Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Too much on my mind

I had intended for my next post to be about my trip to France, but I haven't been able to sleep--there's been too much on my mind. Recently, there has been so much heartache in my family. My Nana died while we were in France, and it has been so sad. My sorrow was that I wish I had known her better. I also felt great sadness for my father and his siblings and his father. What must it be like to lose a mother? Having so recently become a mother, this parent and child bond resounds to me as one that carves out so much of who you are. My youngest sister, who shared with Nana the pain of dealing with cancer, had her own sorrow in losing her grandmother. And I don't know what it must be like for my grandfather to lose his love and his partner. And now it seems that there is so much anger in this family. All my life, family was the place I went for shelter from the storm--for comfort and unconditional love. If that was not there... I couldn't even imagine. I just know that anger is so corrosive, wearing away at the hearts of those who give and receive it.
My prayer for my family is that we can find peace. None of us are perfect and God chooses to love us despite this, I hope that we can do the same. I hope that Nana's legacy can be a family that knows this love and peace.

3 comments:

jewlsntexas said...

I will be praying for this peace for your family - His peace. I know it is so painful and frustrating. It is ridiculous - and you think that a family should pull together during a loss - however, it seems that this anger is a part of grieving - not for everyone - but for some. If it helps at all know that many families experience this kind of rift during loss - everybody is hurting and lashing out at one another.

Uncle Dana said...

I can assure you its not anger, its hurt. If you read some of the comments you can see why. Grampy has been waiting with open arms for sometime now.
For my part, I love you all. I have shown this by staying in contact.

Lane said...

i'll pray with you kara. my heart breaks for poppa and his family