Adventures in yoga

Now that I am pregnant I have had to give up my Pilates class. Most of the class is spent lying facedown (I feel like I'm flattening the baby) or flat on your back (not allowed to do this because it put pressure on your organs or arteries or something like that)or twisting (don't know why this is a no-no). Last week I tried swimming for exercise. I talked to the life guard who told me that a reasonable amount for a beginner would be 16 laps, or a half-mile. This sounded reasonable, as I am in pretty good shape and comfortable in the water. I started off strong, but after five laps, I started to feel very winded and had to take a break between laps. After a couple more it took me longer to catch my breath between laps than it did to swim one. My shoulders were on fire after ten so I floated a while and decided that ten laps was an okay first attempt. The next day I was so sore that I could hardly lift Scarlett up. Every single muscle in my body was telling me that I had overdone it. I am going to try it again, but I am going to go a little easier this time. So yesterday I went to a new yoga class. I have been to a million different kinds and usually enjoy it. This one is known as "hot' yoga (and true to its name the thermostat was set at 77!!) The class description boasted a faster pace and more intense workout. I was looking for something more than just relaxing poses, so I gave it a try.
I knew I was in trouble when the teacher was standing in the middle of the room swooshing inscense around herself cereminously. She shut off the lights and asked us to look through our third eye. I only have two, so I just thought about my grocery list. Then she taught us a mantra we should sing to connect our centers to the power of yoga. First of all, if singing were all it took to get me into shape, then my morning shower would suffice and I would not be paying my monthly gym bill!! Second of all, I do not have any kind of spiritual connection to the power of an exercise class. Our teacher told us that yoge could transform our lives. The poor girl, if she only knew that we were all just looking to transform our thighs... But after all of her silliness, class began and the pace really was intense. My heart was beating right away and I had to work hard to keep up. Several of the poses were pretty intense (and some I didn't even know were humanly possible). During some of the poses, she would ask us to hold it and then meditate on some kind of yoga truth. I found these were great opportunities to mentally redecorate my bedroom, examine my toe nails and decide that I could definitely use a pedicure, feel the baby kick and smile, and even pray. And no, I was not praying to the power of yoga. God could hear me through all of the patchouli I have no doubt. During this one pose all I could do was think about not collapsing onto the floor. Oh, and then the girl next to me strained so hard she popped out a fart and I had to meditate very hard on not laughing out loud because it was very, very funny.
I have not yet decided if I am going to go back to yoga--it was a great workout and I get bored of the same old routine--but I have decided that if I did have a third eye, I would definitely use it to find a spot next to someone who would not break wind when the going got hard!